That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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