this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
