I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The Olympian is in my bed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
