Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
