Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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