so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
