How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
