hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
