we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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