He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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