It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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