before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize