i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i drank out of a bidet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
