So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
