I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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