I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
