but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
