I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
