how do flat chested girls get laid?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
