I am midnight drunk by noon
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
