He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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