The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
