there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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