so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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