The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
