i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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