when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
