seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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