Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
