Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
