she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
