hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
