I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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