she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
