she was so not down for the gang bang
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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