My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
