Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
