new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
