thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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