I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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