your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I AM VODKA MAN
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
