i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
