I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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