No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
