Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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