3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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