White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
