I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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