I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I don't think brook has ever known best
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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