I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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