The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
