I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
