I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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