I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
