You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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