so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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