You made me cry and you don't even care
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
