Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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