We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He felt like a one man threesome
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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