I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
