We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
