officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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