i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
