The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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