just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
