im drinking this country out of the recession.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
