Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
