I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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