last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
