A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
