my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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