She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
