My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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