God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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