Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
