i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
