i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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