I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
