Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
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I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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